Just about all of my patients thus far have been obese; therefore, it is extremely difficult to palpate for organs and carry out other health assessment techniques. When my instructor asked me what kind of patient I wanted, I said, “I want a skinny one.” This way I could actually feel ribs. Thankfully, she honored my request, and I was assigned to a skinny woman in her 80’s who loved being naked. She had no problem shifting her boobs around for me while I did my assessment. That is the kind of patient you want while learning! The hospital staff referred to her as Ms. Sexy.
Here’s a little background on Ms. Sexy. Active is an understatement. When I walked in the room she was standing up chit chatting with her roommate about online courses, and the night before she did not do her therapy exercises because she said she was too busy watching the presidential debate. She would not sit in the bed and even wanted me to listen to her lungs while she remained standing. We went on walks and talked; that was the only way I could get her past medical history. Somehow in the midst of all her extracurricular hospital activities, she finds time to set the staff and other patients up with men she knows. I put in a request for a man that was not currently on an endotracheal (breathing) tube or an enteral feeding tube. I’m picky. We’ll see what she can do.
In addition to her spunkiness, Ms. Sexy has an amazing outlook on life. She has about 5 more days in the hospital and is using this time to share the Lord with others. She asked the occupational therapist to bring some more patients down to her room so she could get their life stories. By the time she leaves the hospital, I feel confident that everyone who is conscious will have heard the Gospel. She’s the female version of Billy Graham.
If Ms. Sexy sounds like someone you’d like to have as a friend, then you better get in line. Her friends were constantly calling, and she told me she still keeps in close contact with 9 of her classmates from nursing school! Remember she's in her 80's. I want to know what they eat for breakfast. It’s gotta be more than just Special K.
Not only do her friends call incessantly, but they adhere to a consistent visiting schedule as well. I said, “Oh, I really like your purple outfit you are going to wear today.” She replied, “I can only wear this raggedy thing because my friends aren’t visiting today. When they visit, I dress up.” They were coming to visit the next day, and this lady was not going to wear a hospital gown! No way. Her outfit was accompanied by a special pair of shoes which she informed me prevented varicose veins along with the appropriate stockings. And I'm telling you, they must work because Ms. Sexy does not have any varicose veins. She's my hero! Sharing/praising the Lord, lookin' great, and enjoying all life has to offer even when confined to the hospital! She was a perfect patient! Ah...what a great day it was yesterday. I will always remember Ms. Sexy :)
Dear Faithful Blogger Fans,
I will be preparing for a tsunami of tests this week, but stay tuned for more nursing stories! Over the last week or so, I have gathered great blogging material.
Yours truly,
Whit-the blogger
TOP TEN REASONS TO COME TO HOPKINS
1. Free Printing and Copies
2. You will have body guards while on campus and some of them are even undercover!
3. At the School of Nursing, you can eat kosher meals at Me Latte every day, except on Jewish holidays (I went hungry those days).
4. Free access to the Welch library via web. If they don’t have it; you don’t need it. They have articles that Adam and Eve published!
5. You will get an I.D. badge that acts as a V.I.P. pass into all things Hopkins. You will feel famous! However, there are limitations. For example, it will not get you into a Ben Folds concert in Washington, DC.
6. Free shuttle to campus, but I warn you; it's a very bumpy ride. Do not bring your coffee on the shuttle.
7. Fantastic campus bookstore assistance
8. You can eat lunch at the School of Public Health overlooking the city of Baltimore and no reservations are required!
9. Each school has their own I.T. department that will fix all your computer problems for free. They will also install any programs you may need and get rid of viruses. My computer has already been to the I.T. hospital twice. They ask for computer symptoms, do an assessment, and then go to work. Once it has discharge orders, I am free to pick it up. Fantastic!
10. There are hot dog and coke stands at every corner.
*Disclaimer: The word free, used in the above content, refers to the benefits your outrageous tuition and student fees cover.
So, what more could you want?
P.S. I hope you enjoyed reading in fall colors :)
Assistant Wanted
Duties would entail: hole punching all of my notes and putting them in binders, laminating Review of Systems (ROS) note cards (which should have been done 2 months ago), carrying my 75 lbs. book bag (so I could walk faster), and fixing all my computer problems. Also, you would be responsible for giving me complete bed baths (except peri-care) and feeding me all while I continue to read and study. I’m trying to develop strategies for maximizing my efficiency during the day. Do I have any takers?
Upcoming Blog…
I plan to post a blog about some of my past and future nursing adventures mid-next week! I’ve learned a lot, and I have much to tell. While things may be hectic, I really do love it! Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I think, “What have I gotten myself into?” But, most of the time, it’s in response to some horrendous smell I have just endured while helping a patient. I can watch anything and touch anything, but I cannot tolerate the horrific odors I have recently been exposed to! I am going to have to get fitted for a N95/PAPR (Powered Air Purifying Respirator) mask. So, if you see me walking down the hall looking like an astronaut, don’t be alarmed. These are just my own Standard Precautions.
Whit’s Words of Wisdom: Sleep 8 hours/day. Then call me and let me know what that’s like; I can’t remember.
Can someone please tell me where I live?
Location?
My approximate location is 75 miles south of the Mason-Dixon Line. My family insists I still reside in the South, yet everyone here in Baltimore, Maryland is determined we are in the North. Furthermore, I have been told by numerous individuals that I live in the New England region of the United States. I’ve been told by others, I live in the Northeast, and still others have tried to convince me I live in the Mid-Atlantic. Geography is definitely not my strong suit, so I have done a little research because I think it’s important to know where I live! You never know when you’ll get lost and need someone to point you in the right direction back home. After all, isn’t that what they tell you in Kindergarten?
Findings:
Yes, technically I’m in the South. I am not living in the New England region which consists of six states: Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont and Rhode Island. To be on the safe side and to avoid unnecessary controversy, I think it’s safe to say I am on the East Coast. In addition, I think we can all agree I live in the United States of America. I'm always searching for common ground! As a result of my findings, I have edited my first blog in reference to my described location.
For those of you who thought the subject of aging was boring, you’re world is about to be turned upside down.
From the reading in my text book, Gerontological Nursing, by Kristen Mauk, I am given some helpful tips on how to educate my elderly patients who are discharged with a foley catheter and still have a desire for sexual activity. Mauk suggests I educate my elderly patient by instructing her “to tape the catheter up on her abdomen… or to wear a crotchless teddy or crotchless panties…” to keep the catheter from interfering with intercourse (Mauk, 629). I have a question. Who pays for the teddy? Medicare? After all, in a sense, this would be medical equipment. Hmm… I can hear this conversation taking place with sweet Mrs. Smith who is 75 years old.
Me/Nurse: So Mrs. Smith, did you get all that? You should wear a crotchless teddy or crotchless panties during intercourse.
Mrs. Smith: What? I’m sorry dear. I can’t hear you very well. My hearing aid isn’t cooperating with me. Did you say I need to wear startchless pants and be ready for a main course?
Me/Nurse: Oh, no Mrs. Smith, I said wear crotchless panties or a teddy during intercourse.
Mrs. Smith: Oh, dear, I throw away my underclothing before it gets to that point. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of bloomers? Why, my stars, it would be a shame for someone to go around with undergarments worn out to that extent.
Me/Nurse: My thoughts exactly, Mrs. Smith. You just keep doing what you’re doing and call me if you have any questions, okay? Have fun playing BINGO tonight. (Ineffective communication between nurse and patient? Yes. So you try. Let me know how that goes for ya.)
If that isn’t awkward enough, Mauk gives a variety of alternative sex positions I am to discuss with my elderly patients before they are discharged. If my patient has just had a hip-replacement, finds herself bound to a wheelchair, and/or must be continuously hooked up to an oxygen tank, don’t worry; there’s still hope for her sexual endeavors. I have resources which include quite detailed visual aids for those patients who are visually challenged or who are visual learners! Of course, the patient may break various other bones while attempting these courageous and complex moves, but hey, you only live life once. Of all the helpful information the author offered, she left out one very important issue, safety. If you are going to be gettin’ crazy in the wheel chair, I would advise you to make sure both breaks are locked!
Whit's Words of Wisdom: Don't fear aging. Elderly life can still be exciting. I have text-book pictures that prove it! And as an important side note, I advise these activities to be done in the context of marriage :)
Mauk, K. (2006). Gerontological Nursing competencies for Care. Sudbury, MA:
Jones and Bartlett Publishes.
Where in the World was Whit…
Hello Blogger fans! I apologize for my long absence. Things have been a little on the hectic side with school, tending to my root canal, and fighting off invisible enemies (a.k.a. foreign germs). Fortunately, my root canal is complete and my immune system is working its magic. Foreign invaders, you have been warned. You guys have 2 days left to finish your tailgating parties inside my respiratory system. After that, I have been instructed by Dr. Marinopoulos to zap you with antibiotics.
Notable Clinical Experiences
Last Week
Last week, for the first time, I had a patient that didn’t like me. Trust me; it wasn’t my imagination. Maybe she didn’t know I’m a Zeta Tau Alpha, and everyone is supposed to love a Zeta! I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. In all honesty, I wanted to say,
Feel free to wheel yourself out of here. I’m not going to stop you. Actually, I'll even give you a rolling start to overcome the static friction. Oh and by the way…., don’t forget your oxygen tank!
I know I am eventually going to have to learn to deal with feisty patients, but today was not the day. Instead, I asked for a more compliant patient. She was wonderful, and we had a great time together.
This Week
This week, I followed the wound team around throughout the rehabilitation center. It was fantastic! Specifically, I liked how the wound team never got interrupted while with a patient. They were not responsible for administering medication, taking/giving report, figuring out why IV machines were beeping or any of the other various things that cause frequent interruptions for nurses when they are caring for patients. Each patient got at least 20 minutes of uninterrupted time. That is most unusual in a hospital setting. Of all my clinical experiences thus far (and there haven’t been many), wound care has been my favorite.
Lab
Before concluding, I want to tell you a little bit about my lab experience. My favorite thing is listening to the heart. It amazes me how complex it is. In college, I read a book that only discussed the heart’s rhythms, and after reading the book, the professor said something like “You still know nothing about the heart.” It’s fascinating and unbelievable. God was amazingly creative when He created us. I could listen to your heart all day and be perfectly content.
Weekend Plans
This weekend entails much studying, Fells Point Festival on Saturday, and at least one good long run!
Whit’s Words of Wisdom: Vote and always love people even if they are feisty and don’t like you.
Once a University of Georgia Bulldawg (yes, that's the correct spelling), I am now a new Hopkins nursing student! Don't worry Georgia fans; I'll never forget my roots. Also, I am from Memphis, Tennessee, and my family has agreed to loan me out to the "upper" East Coast. So here I am, ready for the journey that awaits me.
In preparation for my first day of orientation, I got up extra early to make sure I was presentable for my new classmates. I put on make-up, plucked my eyebrows, and fixed my hair for the big day. However, I must warn my classmates; this is not part of my daily routine. I strictly do this beauty regimen PRN (as needed). I can only guarantee my future friends I will show up to class clean and wearing deodorant.
On a more serious note, I found my first day of orientation slightly overwhelming. I also experienced frequent moments of uncertainty throughout the day. Fortunately, these feelings subsided as I began meeting my classmates and professors. By the end of orientation, I was convinced I was in the right place. I know there will be a period of adjustment to my new surroundings and course load; nonetheless, it will be a growing experience that will leave me a better person and ultimately a better nurse!
Johns Hopkins University School of Nursing truly is a place where you can make your academic dreams come true. It's the adult version of Disney World! Whatever your interests are, you are expected to bring them with you, expand upon them, and incorporate them into your time here. There's a great sense of freedom to explore your curiosity. When a learning environment, such as this, is cultivated, it is inevitable that there are going to be interesting and passionate students and faculty. As a result, the School of Nursing is an exciting place to learn. As Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz might say, "There's no place like Hopkins...There's no place like Hopkins...There's no place like Hopkins."