Whit's Advance Directives
1. Put Chap Stick on my lips 3x/day. I prefer Burt’s Bees or Carmex.
2. Clip all of my chin/ear hair PRN (as needed). This is for my emotional well-being.
3. Floss my teeth with minted thin dental floss 1x/daily.
4. Pluck my eyebrows and provide an arch.
5. Turn me every 2 hrs. If I get pressure ulcers, I’m going to be ticked.
6. Do not deposit love artifacts all over my room. This includes stuffed animals, butterfly mobiles, and other unessessary fomites.
7. Do not set my TV channel to Soap Operas. I prefer CNN.
8. Do not rub Johnson and Johnson Baby lotion all over me. I’m not a baby, and besides, it is not a good moisturizer. I prefer Lubriderm.
9. Do not allow me to sleep on plastic hospital pillows. Bring me my tempurpedic curved pillow.
10. Do not feed me hospital food that comes in containers that have built up condensation in the lid.
11. I want my own room. I have already done the college dorm thing, and I’m over it.
12. Resuscitate me and let’s see how I do. If it doesn’t look good after awhile, then let me go on to Heaven where I can eat and not get fat.
Happy Halloween!